Mirror,
Mirror on the Wall: The Power of Reflected Appraisals
Children develop a sense
of self via the process of internalizing the reflected appraisals of
significant others (i.e. parents, teachers). Like a mirror, the faces of
those charged with the task of caring for and teaching evolving children
may reflect back either a sense that everything is okay or something is
amiss. Adults who consistently exhibit a sense of worry
regarding a child are unknowingly communicating that worry which, in
turn, becomes a part of that child’s core identity. Children who are
regularly exposed to reflections of worry, frustration,
anger, or disappointment will internalize those feelings about
themselves, resulting in low confidence, self-esteem, and, in the
extreme, depression. Of course, we all may experience, at times, these
kinds of feelings about children. Adults responsible for the care and
growth of children are not expected to be perfect or infallible.
However, the principle of the “good enough” parent/teacher stipulates
that we more often than not reflect constructive feedback to kids.
Children who receive positive reflections more often than not will
develop a sense of identity that is characterized by feeling “good
enough” vs. one of feeling not good enough.
What factors determine the
direction of reflected appraisals? Here, we must consider the
contributions of temperament and induced emotions. Each of us is born
with a temperament that dictates the following important
characteristics: activity level; mood; adaptability; sensitivity to
stimulation; rhythm (i.e. how regular we are about eating, sleeping,
etc.). A dilemma arises when adults and children have significant
differences in temperament as this will result in a lack of chemistry or
poor goodness of fit. For example, a very active child will tax the
patience of a more sedate adult. When there is a lack of a match in the
child/adult dyad, there is a more likely chance that the reflected
appraisals will be negative. In essence, adults who expect children to
be like them will be disappointed by the lack of match and consistently
reflect that disappointment, inducing in children a feeling of falling
short.
Yet, it is highly likely
that adults will experience at some time or in some way a lack of match
between themselves and their children. What can be done to shield
children from our own sense of disappointment or frustration? The answer
is not a simple one. It involves tolerating intolerable feelings (i.e.
“My child is too short, not smart enough, not an athlete, etc.”) and
differentiating between “real” deficits vs. perceived ones. Once we are
able to tolerate what we view as deficits, we can avoid reflecting back
the negative by a process of emotional dialysis-removing the toxic
emotions that drive negative reflections. We can then use the
information regarding any “actual” vs. perceived deficits/weaknesses to
support children by imparting compensatory strategies for those areas
that will pose an obstacle to their pursuit of success and happiness.
This is a tall order.
However, it is possible to achieve. Children who can dig into their core
and find internalized reflections of being good enough will prove to be
resilient and have the inner strength to rise to the challenges in life
we all will inevitably face.
LDNOS:
A DIAGNOSIS WHOSE TIME HAS COME
How are students to access
appropriate accommodations at school when testing does not reveal scores
that rise to the DSM IV TR threshold of a Specific Learning Disorder? In
fact, there are many individuals who exhibit difficulties in the areas
of executive functioning and information processing who are performing
at or even above grade level. Yet, their learning is affected by
cognitive processing, executive, and organizational deficits.
Historically, the absence of a substantial discrepancy between ability
and achievement meant that a student did not have a learning disability.
The new IDEA will eliminate the need for this discrepancy when
diagnosing a learning disability. This change will correct a
longstanding dilemma that exists for many students who are learning
impaired, but the differences between their cognitive ability and
academic achievement scores are not great enough to be considered a bona
fide learning disability.
Learning Disorder Not
Otherwise Specified (LDNOS) is being considered as a means to accurately
describe this group of students who do not meet the criteria for any
specific learning disability (i.e. math, reading, and written
expression). They may have sub-threshold difficulties in one or more
academic areas or their cognitive processing deficits in areas like
working memory, processing speed, or auditory or visual processing
precede or are associated with learning disorders. This is being
proposed by Yalof and Domingos in their Division of School Psychology
article where they make this important point: “…academic skills are
really a byproduct of neuropsychological processes [like the ones
mentioned above], creating a somewhat arbitrary distinction between the
skill as a concept (i.e. reading) and the underlying neuropsychological
processes from which that skill is derived.” That is, the processing
skills which are often deficient for these students are the foundations
upon which their academic skills are built. For example, the syndrome of
nonverbal learning disorders (NVLD) about which I wrote in an earlier
update will qualify as one in which LDNOS may be the accurate diagnostic
entity. Let’s say that a student has difficulty with math, but tests
reveal no discrepancy between math ability and performance. Students
with NVLD may have difficulty with visual processing, organization, and
concept formation, causing them to have problems with encoding and
visually manipulating numbers. They may also have trouble with
accurately tracking columns of numbers or placing decimal points in the
right place. Similarly, students with working memory impairment will
have difficulty encoding, consolidating, and retrieving information when
they need it. All of these possibilities and others may be present even
when no discrepancy between ability and achievement exists. A thorough
evaluation can identify when these processing deficits exist and LDNOS
can accurately describe and qualify them for the accommodations they are
entitled to by law.
Copyright ©
2001 Steven Korner PH.D, Licensed Psychologist. All Rights Reserved.